Jaxen's Upper GI

My super sweet baby boy had an upper GI done today, Friday 5/11/12. I had to bring him to the hospital and velcro him to a board and watch as they fed him barium and took multiple xrays - break my heart! Thank God that all his organs etc looked normal and were working properly. Prayers answered again!
He however has horrible reflux. The barium is thicker then formula and they could see it refluxing up and then back down. His was pretty violent and they had to keep flipping him on his side because as it came up some was spit up and the rest went down. Silent evil painful Reflux. My poor precious Jaxen!
I was so grateful that the procedure was done by the actual Radiologist. This allowed us to get the results and hear everything that she was seeing as it was happening instead of waiting for someone to read the xrays.
We go back Tuesday for the Modified Barium Swallow Test with Speech. This test showed he is not asperating while being fed.
We had an appointment with the pediatric GI specialist on Monday, May 21st. She feels that Jaxen is allergic to the formula and he is now on elecare. This formula is completely broken down and the best formula for a child who has allergies. He is also on 2 meds in the am and pm to help control the reflux. He is starting to finally feel better and happier.

Here is a picture of what $400.00 of formula looks like. Thankgoodness our insurance company is covering it. Without it Jaxen is at risk for failure to thrive and lack of weight gain and developmental delays.

The Month of May - Glad to say Goodbye.

I am so glad that today is the last day of May.  It has surely been a trying month.

May
2nd - William had Pink eye and sinus infection.
11th - Jaxen Upper GI
15th - Jaxen modified barium swallow test
15th - Suburban died at Fry's gas station. Battery completely dead. Alex at work 1.5 hours away and I am with all 3 babies. It is over 100 degrees out. Luckily a friend was able to jump the burb so I could drive home. Also luckily Alex left work early to replace the battery. Why? See below.
15th - William fell off the chair and got his 1st staple in his head.
18th - Alex admitted to hospital with pneumonia, kidney function not good.
21st - William staple Removed.
21st - Jaxen Pediatric GI specialist.
21st - Alex home from hospital.
24th - Alex back in hospital with what they thought was an infected knee after tapping it. 2 hour surgery on knee, removed lots of gout and repaired a torn miniscus.
26th - Alex home from the hospital.
31st - Just to give us a good kick on the way out, May decided to give us another cost with Alex's car overheating. I am now without a car hoping for a low cost repair.

It has been a rough month! But Alex is back to work. William's head has healed. Jaxen is feeling so much better. The GI feels he is allergic to the formula - he sounds like he has bronchitis all the time, wheezing congested cough. He projectile vomits and is fussy. He is not asperating during feeding but def has reflux really bad. So he is on elecare a tube feeding formula that is completely broken down. He is also on 2 meds. 1 during the day and another at night. I think we are finally getting him to feel better. He is smiling and cooing and kicking. It does my heart so good to have him happy and not in pain. Emma is getting chunky and is always so happy. She loves to laugh and talk to you. I love dressing her up in pink and ruffles and bows! William is CRAZY! We now have a wrought iron gate screwed into the wall at the stairs and the chairs are bungy corded to the table. William does not slow down. He is one busy boy trying to keep up with his older brothers, love on his younger siblings and be jealous of everyone! Alex is feeling better and is back to work. He is working closely with the kidney dr to monitor antibiotics and gout meds to protect his kidneys. Nic is done with school the 31st and is a senior - I'm still not sure how that happened??? Justin is done on the 31st also and made Principal's list again. He is excited as his teacher is moving to 3rd grade and he has her again. I am still holding onto my sanity, just barely. I have been blessed with some super friends that have been helping me. I am super excited to go home and am looking forward to our June vacation.

Being Enough...

I have such a hard time asking for help but lately I feel as if I'm buried. And seriously how can I complain when I've just been blessed with the family that I have always dreamed of? It's so hard to ask for help when these are my children, the children I have prayed for for years! Shouldn't I be enough to care for them.

Somehow I think that that is my problem. Shouldn't "I" be enough? Shouldn't I be able to cook and clean and do laundry and love and care for 5 children? The loving is easy ~ the rest gets hard. Sometimes sleep deprevation makes it hard to be enough. Sometimes my house is messy, sometimes I don't get dinner made in time so we have take out or frozen dinners. What use to be so easy is now so hard.

William loves to help. But this week an egg crashed to the floor as we made banana bread as he whisked too hard. He loves on Emma and Jaxen so much that his love can sometimes be disguised as a poke or a hit. He loves the stairs, he has broken thru the tension gate and loves to go find his brothers much to their dismay.He loves to vacuum and dust and try to load the dishwasher and close the dryer 20 times as you transfer in clothes. But a 21 month old helping adds double to triple the amount of time to a task you are trying quickly to perform before a baby wakes up screaming. 

Emma and Jaxen are really easy babies. But Emma loves to nurse and nurse and nurse. And she gives you smiles that just melt your heart into a puddle of love! Poor Jaxen is just in so much pain with his reflux. It breaks my heart every minute.

Nic is a teenager and testing his fresh mouth and wanting freedom from his brothers. Justin wants to be outside 24/7 and is always wanting friends to play with. He currently is testing his selective hearing when asked to do things.

So I am faced with a house that is strong in love but has been rocked with the birth of 2 babies and everyone seems to be testing the waters to see how they still fit into the family with these two precious  newcomers in there lives - if that makes sense.

Alex and I seem to be 2 tired ships with holes sinking at times. He works all day and comes home to William usually in bed but 2 babies crying getting ready for bed and Justin wanting attention NOW! So he and I are pretty stressed with the chaos.

I finally accepted help. It was wonderful to have time to myself to take a shower and clean. But, I still feel guilty. How do you ask others to help you when they have so much to do themselves. And why can't I be enough to take care of my family and do it well? Everyone says wow you have your hands full, do you have help?

Is it really a lot having all these babies or am I just failing?  Is it really ok to ask for help or am I failing Heavenly Father who entrusted me with his children?  Is it really ok to not be enough all by myself right now? 

William

Sweet Sweet Babies

Jaxen's Reflux

Oh my poor baby Jaxen! We has a follow-up today at the doctors and you are really not much better. We have switched meds from Zantac to Prevacid and that doesn't work. We have switched formulas a few times also. I guess the powder formulas contain a corn filler, the liquid ready to feed formula does not. The liquid formula you seem to do a little better on. You have only gained 1 ounce in 3 weeks and have dropped from the 25th% to the 10%.
The Dr feels that it's time to go see a pediatric GI doctor and have a feeding test done on you so we can try and fix your reflux. She believes you have silent reflux which is where your throat is getting burned twice, once on the way up and then again as you swallow it.
Oh sweet boy I love you so much and I want to cry every time I feed you. I am so afraid you will associate me with pain and hate me, the thought brakes my heart! I love you my sweet boy and if I could take every bit of pain away I would.

Random Thoughts

Projectile vomit saturates everything.
Reflux s***s.
William can break down the gate on the stairs in a second flat and in another second be all the way up the stairs.
Emma has the cutest smile.
Justin loves to play outdoors.
Water boiling over onto a gas burner causes flames.
A toy tractor on tile is very loud.
Formula stinks and makes bad poop.
It's hard work to keep a house clean.
I hate to do laundry.
I love my kids. Most of the time I even like them :)
I have had a lot of tough days lately.
Making dinner in the morning before lunch is a pain!
I love cuddling Jaxen.
Justin has the best smile.
Nic is so handsome. His eyes are so beautiful.
William has the best eyelashes ever, on a boy - so unfair.
I wish we still lived in CT, most days.
I wish Nic had more ambition, it frustrates me.
Having a teenager is hard.
William is such a love.
William likes to sleep in his shoes.
Justin likes to tattle on Nic.
My boys love each other so much, most days.
Sometimes Nic helps give William a bath, so thankful.
Sometimes I hide in the bathroom...for sanity.
Emma is cooing and laughing.
William kisses and loves on the babies wayyyyy tooo muchhh.
Having a little boy under 2 and 2 newborns is so much tougher than I thought.
Teenagers have such fresh mouths.
I hate asking for help. And mostly put on a big smile and say, I'm fine/good.
So excited to be going home and to hang out with my sisters and meet my niece Ava.
I LOVE having a daughter.
My kids stress the breathe right out of me sometimes.
Going to the Dr with the 3 little ones is soooo hard! The hardest part is loading and unloading them from the suburban.
I can't believe Nic will be a senior next year. I am sooo not that old!
I Love being a mom.