Being Enough...

I have such a hard time asking for help but lately I feel as if I'm buried. And seriously how can I complain when I've just been blessed with the family that I have always dreamed of? It's so hard to ask for help when these are my children, the children I have prayed for for years! Shouldn't I be enough to care for them.

Somehow I think that that is my problem. Shouldn't "I" be enough? Shouldn't I be able to cook and clean and do laundry and love and care for 5 children? The loving is easy ~ the rest gets hard. Sometimes sleep deprevation makes it hard to be enough. Sometimes my house is messy, sometimes I don't get dinner made in time so we have take out or frozen dinners. What use to be so easy is now so hard.

William loves to help. But this week an egg crashed to the floor as we made banana bread as he whisked too hard. He loves on Emma and Jaxen so much that his love can sometimes be disguised as a poke or a hit. He loves the stairs, he has broken thru the tension gate and loves to go find his brothers much to their dismay.He loves to vacuum and dust and try to load the dishwasher and close the dryer 20 times as you transfer in clothes. But a 21 month old helping adds double to triple the amount of time to a task you are trying quickly to perform before a baby wakes up screaming. 

Emma and Jaxen are really easy babies. But Emma loves to nurse and nurse and nurse. And she gives you smiles that just melt your heart into a puddle of love! Poor Jaxen is just in so much pain with his reflux. It breaks my heart every minute.

Nic is a teenager and testing his fresh mouth and wanting freedom from his brothers. Justin wants to be outside 24/7 and is always wanting friends to play with. He currently is testing his selective hearing when asked to do things.

So I am faced with a house that is strong in love but has been rocked with the birth of 2 babies and everyone seems to be testing the waters to see how they still fit into the family with these two precious  newcomers in there lives - if that makes sense.

Alex and I seem to be 2 tired ships with holes sinking at times. He works all day and comes home to William usually in bed but 2 babies crying getting ready for bed and Justin wanting attention NOW! So he and I are pretty stressed with the chaos.

I finally accepted help. It was wonderful to have time to myself to take a shower and clean. But, I still feel guilty. How do you ask others to help you when they have so much to do themselves. And why can't I be enough to take care of my family and do it well? Everyone says wow you have your hands full, do you have help?

Is it really a lot having all these babies or am I just failing?  Is it really ok to ask for help or am I failing Heavenly Father who entrusted me with his children?  Is it really ok to not be enough all by myself right now?