Overwhelmed

William and I came home from the hospital today. I had 1 more day but today is Nic's bday so I thought I should be home...

The ride home was awful. I literally moaned the whole way praying I wouldn't throw up while holding my stomach. The railroad tracks, the bumps, it was brutal!

We got home at the same time Nic did from school. Then the phone started with bday wishes and Justin wanted to love on his brother - now! I had tons of stuff from the hospital to put away and I still hadn't eaten lunch. I felt completely overwhelmed and was in pain.

My in-laws came and brought pizza dinner and bday cake - which was wonderful as we didn't have to worry about dinner for Alex and the kids or plan Nic's bday dinner. Don't worry I had a turkey sandwich, pizza would of been killer on my stomach.

The house got really loud, voices too loud Justin insisting on playing about on top of me loudly and I felt myself starting to feel like dropping. I fed the baby while they ate and got up during a burping to sing happy birthday.

I had the boys carry some things upstairs for me thinking it was time for me to go to bed. I was told do nothing for 2 weeks - no cleaning, cooking, laundry - pick up nothing heavier than your baby. How that will be possible the next 2 days I have no idea. I got to the stairs and the tears poured. Each stair hurt so bad, but crying hurt so bad. I finally made it upstairs to try and climb into bed to find that my bed is too high and then I sobbed! I don't know what hurt worse sobbing or finally getting into bed.

I think I should of stayed in the hospital for 1 more day. But even there Alex couldn't stay with me he went to work, visited me and came home to stay with boys. It was lonely.

Tomorrow he has to take som vacation time to come home and drive me to the pediatrician since William was 36 weeks they are all kinds of cautious. Then Thurs he will work tons of xtra hours and then Fri my mom will finally be here and I will be able to breathe.

Things are crazy, my milk came in and I am already having to pump a bit - so sore. I still haven't been able to go to the bathroom - those softeners better work soon. My feet have swollen to 3x their size and hurt. My incisions is so sore! I'm not sure how I will manuever or if I will the stairs tomorrow. Maybe Justin , William and I will stay upstairs until Alex gets home. I can't get myself up them without crying there's noway I'll be able to get William and myself down them. I don't think I've wanted my mom so badly in forever, but as of right now she can't get here soon enough! Then to top off my evening there is a meeting that Nic should be out tomorrow. They understand we have a new baby at home but it is highly suggested we be there. That pushed me over the edge. I can't go anywhere, I can't have Alex go anywhere else other than work I need him, I am barely exsisting right now. And with this particular thing once again I feel like I am falling short, not meeting expectations yet again. And the sobs started again.

I'm sure some of this is hormones but right now I am completely overwhelmed, exhausted and in so much pain. These percoset are totally not working!