A BOY IS

TRUTH with dirt on his face,

BEAUTY with a cut on his finger,

WISDOM with bubble gum in his hair,

and theHOPE of the future with a
frog in his pocket.

LITTLE GIRLS

Little girls are made of daisies and butterflies and soft kitty cat purrs

And all the precious memories of times that once were.

Little girls are made of angel's wings and giggles and a firefly's glow

And all the happy feelings, deep inside, that we all know.

Little girls are made of cinnamon and bubbles and fancy white pearls

And snowflakes and rainbows and ballerina twirls.

Little girls are made of sunshine and cupcakes and fresh morning dew,

And these are the reasons, little one, why everyone loves you.

Author: Karen Barnes



Monday, May 31, 2010

Sick

The sick one - that would be me. This medicine - glucophage (sp) is making me want to bury in bed in never move! Constant nautious feeling and everytime I eat I go to the bathroom - and it's awful.

I guess this is so awful because I really don't get sick much. Plus I am lucky where my pregnancies never include the constant I'm going to be sick feeling.

But now I'm worried - and can't wait until Weds Dr appt. There must be something else to try. Plus although the med is keeping my sugar down during the day it's that dreaded morning # that constantly hovers around 115 and needs to be under 95.

I'm worried about becoming too dehydrated from too much bathroom usage, I'm worried about the size of my baby, I'm worried about his sugars when he is born, I'm worried about jaundice when he is born, I'm worried that they will have to give him a bottle to stabilize his sugars which will affect me nursing, I feel so bad for all the pricks in his foot he will have to have now to check his sugars. My poor baby :(

Sunday, May 30, 2010

All I want for my 6th birthday is my...

2 Front Teeth! Justin lost his 2nd tooth last night. So exciting!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

A Failure

That's Me.

I failed my 3 hour glucose testing - badly.

Now on to multiple daily blood testing and strict eating times.

The Dr. is letting me try oral meds 1st rather than going straight to insulin like I did with Justin. Hoping to avoid insulin shots daily - it seems like I just stopped all my other shots.

I am so upset. I guess watching my diet and gaining 0 lbs didn't help one bit! I have until Weds to monitor with diet and pills and then I go see Dr. If that doesn't work I am back for a day of monitorig with the nurses and then maybe insulin again. Then Alex will have to play Mr mom and take a day off to run the kids to wrestling camp and swim lessons.

I don't know why I am so upset - odds are that this would happen :(

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Growing Up!


My baby is graduating Kindergarten June 1st and on June 4th (the last day of school) he will be a 1st grader and then on the 10th he will turn 6! Where has all the time gone?

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Growing and Growing!

We are so excited, our garden is flourishing. Tonight we are having salad with lettuce and toms from the garden.
Pics are of lettuce, carrots, cucs, gr beans, pumpkins, sunflowers, toms, peppers and an orange on the orange tree. Not shown are the pumpkins behind the toms and the shallots which are in front of and kind of hidden by the pumpkins.







Friday, May 21, 2010

No more Peanut Butter for YOU!

Dear Little Baby W,
Mommy loves peanut butter.
It seems that you do too.
When you get some peanut butter, you kick and kick and kick!
Maybe you are practicing soccer?
Can you please kick a little more gentle?
Can you please not kick my bladder?
Cause it really, really hurts.
Or
No more peanut butter for you - or me...

Thursday, May 20, 2010

A Failing Body...

I failed my 1 hour glucose test last Friday.

Went today for the 3 hour one - 4 blood draws in 3 hours thank you very much!

I'm sure I failed.

My sugars were checked prior to our IVF procedure and were normal (they do this because high sugars = better pregnancy rate however it also = higher miscarriage rate and... we wanted my embreyos to be sticky!) If sugars are high they put you on metformin.

How can I be failing when I am so careful and haven't even gained a lb and am 28 weeks? Seriously!

I am so frustrated :( And just to add to the pleasure of the day after sitting at Qwest for 3 hours and then getting the kids at school I am sitting here with toes and ankles that have just ballooned up. Really? From fasting and a slice of bread with PB? I am suppose to have a lot of protein today to counteract the wonderfully delicious orange kool-aid glucose drink...

I think I might give up for the day and head to bed now!

Just so you know - I am really happy to be pregnant and love my baby very much and yes, still want to do this again... I'm just having a few cranky days...

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

He Lost it, He Lost it!



A Tooth that is!

Justin lost his very first tooth at 5 years old. And I must say the one next to it will be going soon :)

He was so excited he was jumping up and down and had to call his grandparents and tell them! He doesn't know exactly when his tooth disappeared - we suspect maybe during dinner while he was eating grilled pineapple. He doesn't even care he has no tooth for his pillow, he is just so excited that the tooth fairy is coming tonight!

My little boy is growing up!

3rd Trimester

Wow, I can't believe how fast this pregancy is going. Half of me wants to slow it down and the other half can't wait for it to be over so I can meet this little man.

How am I feeling? Actually kinda miserable. I am so exhausted from not being able to sleep for more that 2 hours at a time. I can't seem to sleep while the kids are at school and then as soon as it hits about 2:30 I feel like I could fall down from exhaustion.

I failed my 1 hour sugar test Friday. I go tomorrow for my 3 hour test - I just know I will fail - your number is suppose to be under 130 and mine was 172 :(

I have irrational fears that my baby will be 10+ lbs and I am already freaking out about a c-section. I'm sure with the diabetes that leaves out having a Vbac due to not being able to be induced. I have a huge aversion to being cut open...already freaking out about it and Alex has been getting my wrath because everytime I bring it up he rolls his eyes! I told him maybe I won't have so long to stress about it as I'm sure as it gets closer my fear will elevate my blood pressure and maybe they will rush me in - that gets a double eye roll and an, aren't you going to bed yet?

On a positive note we have a def. name picked out for our new little man. No arguing when it comes to the birth certificate, we are in agreement :)

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Cast is GONE!!!

Justin's cast is gone. We are doing a happy dance!
We had a little scare when the cast came off and we had some bloody bandages underneith -he had a few tears escape at how his arm looked and I have to admit I was a little nervous myself.


But... once they removed the bandages we realized it was just dried blood from the incisions and his scar doesn't look too bad.


The surgeon was really pleased with his range of motion - almost normal. He just has to practice bending his elbow and twisting his wrist back and forth. The surgeon was happy to hear he was enrolled in swim lessons (with the awesome Stacey) as swimming will really help to strengthen his arm. He was also told no bikes, skateboards, roller blades etc for 3 weeks - I'm thinking we'll hold off on that for most of the summer. Justin has 1 pressure sore from his cast right below his thumb - kinda of a nice red blister, but the Dr said to wash his arm really good and let some air at it and he should be good.

We have 1 more appt. in 6 weeks for a final xray and a range of motion check. So, so happy that the cast is gone!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Blessed

I am so blessed. Just look at my beautiful boys.

I was sitting here tonight and thinking how blessed I was and how I would do anything for my precious gifts. I was thinking of baby W growing in my belly. How I took 332 pills (not counting prenatal vitamins or folic acid), 148 shots, 83 tampons of cream, 21 patches, surgery, procedures. I thought of how much I love this little man and with every kick how excited I am to meet this new little miracle.

Motherhood is hard, getting pregnant is hard, raising children is hard. But it is the most amazing gift I have ever been given!

4 Generation of Mother's


Here are 4 Generation's of Mother's...
Myself as a 1 month old baby
My Great Nana holding me
My Nana standing
My mom kneeling
This was my first trip over on the ferry from CT to Long Island to meet my Great Nana.

Happy Mother's Day Mom. Thanks for showing me how to be a good Mom.
Happy Mother's Day Nana. Thanks for showing my Mom how to be a good Mom.
Happy Mother's Day Great Nana. Thanks for showing my Nana and Mom how to be good mom's.

It's amazing how Mom's pass love and traditions down through the generations encouraging, showing and teaching us to be Mom's to the next generation.

Mothers

We are all Mother's or women waiting to be mother's. I am so happy to be pregnant and am so excited to be a mother for the 3rd time. But a part of me is sad too. Maybe from hormones or maybe because our IVF procedure is so fresh in my mind... I am so sad for those women who today are struggling to get through the day. Those like a blog friend who yesterday was having her quadruplets at 27 weeks, those who have had miscarriages, those who continue to have BFN (neg. pregnancy tests) after IUI's and IVF's. I am so happy for another who today after her 2nd IVF found out she will be a mother this time!

There is an ensign article that talks about motherhood in my church's magazine (Nov. 2001) the Ensign written by Sheri L. Dew who is the Second Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency. It talks about how all women are mothers whether they have children or not. (I can't get the link in here but you can cut and paste to read it in full here http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=291c8c6a47e0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

"Nevertheless, the subject of motherhood is a very tender one, for it evokes some of our greatest joys and heartaches. This has been so from the beginning. Eve was “glad” after the Fall, realizing she otherwise “never should have had seed.” And yet, imagine her anguish over Cain and Abel. Some mothers experience pain because of the children they have borne; others feel pain because they do not bear children here. About this Elder John A. Widtsoe was explicit: “Women who through no fault of their own cannot exercise the gift of motherhood directly, may do so vicariously.”

"For reasons known to the Lord, some women are required to wait to have children. This delay is not easy for any righteous woman. But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature. Some of us, then, must simply find other ways to mother. And all around us are those who need to be loved and led."

I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for all his daughters. I know that Heavenly Father is there for each one of us as we strive to become and be wonderful mother's to his children.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

26 weeks

Yesterday was my 26 week appt.

0 lbs gained.
Protein in my urine
Slightly elevated blood pressure.

The Dr. didn't seem worried. The blood pressure was only slightly up and he says everyone has elevated protein first thing in am if they don't drink enough water - I had only had 1/4 of my bottle of water on the way in. I had an 8:30am appt and hadn't even gotten breakfast - just got the kids fed and out the door and jumped in the burb and left. Plus no weight gain.

I blame the blood pressure on all the bills pouring in from our broken arm incident - seriously I think if anyone just said hi to us they billed us :(

I hate bills. Maybe I should have this baby at home - I could save a bundle! - ok not really I would be TERRIFIED to do that!

Friday, April 30, 2010

One Year Ago Today...

Alex's brother Doug passed away.

This is a very sad day and we are trying to fill it with Happy Memories.

Memories of:
Doug as best man at our wedding and Alex his best man at his wedding.
Doug teasing.
Doug taking the boys to jump the spill way in his Monster Truck.
Doug holding Justin for the 1st time and making him look even smaller than he was.
Doug so proud, standing up in church to be Justin's Godfather.
Nic standing proud and sad as an honory poll bearer at Doug's funeral.

We miss you Doug and you are in our thoughts. Soon this new little miracle will join our family and he will honor you with his name - with a twist :)

Thursday, April 29, 2010

We have a date - for a cast removal that is...

May 17th is the wonderful day!

And Justin is counting down the days!!! ~ He can't wait!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Garden is growing...

I'm not sure what we did right but our garden seems to be growing wonderfully. From the pictures you can tell we don't have the best soil. The landscapers brought us 5 yards of fill dirt and our finances were low so we didn't even mix any of the good stuff in with it. We'll add some good dirt for fall planting. Alex did give it a good spray of Miracle grow and that's all...
The landscaper very nicely placed a drip line every 10 inches in the garden and Alex attached a soaker line to them. The garden system goes off every morning automatically. Love it!

Here are the 2 rows of Carrots sprouting up. Can't wait to have yuumy fresh sweet carrots! These are also the dogs favorite treats :)


Green Beans - waiting for these to get a little taller to start winding up the lattice.


Technically not in the garden but couldn't resist showing you the tiny green buds from the Orange Tree, this is the start of a Yummy fresh orange!


Pumpkins. Will we have one big enough to carve?


Shallots. We only had 3 poke through but I love these in salads and cooking sooo much!


Cucumbers - Wow tons grew! Waiting for them to grow a little more so we can wind them up the lattice.


Lettuce - We planted 2 varieties. They are both growing good. Fresh lettuce from the garden - is your mouth watering yet?


Tomato's - 2 pictures here. We have 4 tomato plants. One of them is HUGE! The other one has a beautiful tomato growing - actually between all 4 plants I think we have a total of about 6 juicy yummy tomato's so far- BLT's anyone????



Pepper's - Well the pepper plants seem to be lacking a little in growth but they do have buds and the one pepper is still holding it's own.


Sunflowers - growing like weeds!


Watermelons - A lot of the seeds sprouted... Now lets see if we get yummy watermelons to eat! Hey, how did that sunflower seed get planted in a watermelon mound? Silly!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Friday, April 16, 2010

1 Week Cast Check

Yesterday was not a fun day...

Justin got his xray and they moved us to the room to wait for the Dr. I could hear them outside the door and knew something was wrong. The computer that the xrays pull up on was right outside Justin's room.

One bone looks great and in the right spot. The 2nd bone had moved! UG! The Ped. Ortho did say that it can happen. The bones are not screwed and there's no rod so they can still move in the cast. But, he felt that screwing or using a rod was not a good option as J would have to have another surgery to take out and he is so young and has so much growing to do.

So, they marked J's cast and then cut it. They then took pliars - yes litteraly! and pulled it apart and put in a wedge to push his bone back and hold it in place. They then taped it there and rexrayed. The bone looked good so they then put another cast over the other cast and the wedge. During the cutting, pliars and wedge procedure Justin was really wimpering! The Ortho asked if he was in pain and he said no not really and he asked if J was scared and he said YES! My poor kid!

The Ortho then told Justin to be still at home - video games and TV! He is so... hard to keep still! He's 5! Even with no tramp, bike, skateboard etc he still plops on the couch runs into things etc. Ahhhh.

We go back in one week and are praying for no bone movement this time!!!

By the way this time he chose a blue cast!

Friday, April 9, 2010

And we have a Cast... A glow in the dark cast


J got his cast yesterday. His bones are looking pretty straight and his incision is healing nicely. The Ortho was really happy about how his arm looked. Dr happy = Mom happy!
Justin is not so happy. His cast is too heavy, his fingers are swollen, cast up to arm pit. I guess I can't blame him but I'm sure after a few days he will be use to the cast and maybe forget it's there!
The good news is that he should only have to wear it for 6 weeks. It should be off prior to summer vacation!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

cards and a package



Justin has been a lucky boy with lots of cards from friends at school, Heidi's children made him cards and brought them over on Sunday, cards from CT and today a box arrived with a special build a bear with a hospital gown and an arm in a sling. Of course he came with a change of clothes - a skater outfit complete with slip on shoes and a skateboard from his Aunties and Gramdma and Grandpa. Thanks everyone for making J feel so special.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Sweetness

Last night Kevin from Justin's class and his mom stopped by. They had J's HW, class newsletter and a letter from each child in Justin's class. Justin was so excited to see Kevin and LOVED reading the letters - we've read them 3 times now!

This morning before recess his teacher called and she had each child talk to Justin and they said: they missed him, or get better soon, or they loved him, or was he ok. It was just the sweetest thing to listen to these little 5 and 6 yr. olds be so caring.

Justin said after, "they must really love me! I miss them!"

I've said this before and I'll say it again and again - he has the very best Kindergarten teacher. She is amazing with the kids and when you watch her teach and interact with them you can see the love she has for them radiate out!

Hi Little Man

You are 22 weeks today and getting bigger everyday. Mostly I feel you move and kick below my belly button but yesterday the Dr said you are in for a growth spurt and I should feel you up in my ribs really quick! Your brother, Justin went to the Dr with me and heard your heart beat. He already loves you so much and can't wait to play with you!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

And life goes on!

It is so funny how trauma affects kids and adults.

I am still stressed. Not sleeping well, any move Justin makes scares me.

Justin is feeling much better! I think sometimes he forgets his arm is in a sling - except when he can't open a PB cup. But he's already starting to move more then I would like. He tried to go up the stairs 2 at a time and was going to climb on his bunk bed. Ahhh! I'm still trying to recover and he's already forgot!

Now if I can just keep him still and entertained enough until Thursday and pray his arm is ok enough for a hard cast!!!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Bones Broken and a Puncture - My poor Baby!



One of my worst fears came true! I've always been warned about broken bones - it seems that as a mother of boys it is part of the "what to expect". So I guess I have been initiated...

Thursday night I heard: Justin crying and each cry seemed to intensify and Nic say, "Justin r u OK?" Then Nic screamed my name - my senses went on high alert and I ran! I saw my little 5 yr. old laying on the floor his arm was looking really wierd but what grabbed most of my attention was the stream of blood shooting straight out of his arm into the air!

I am not good in emergencies AT ALL, I really fall apart! I did have enough sense to put my thumb over the hole the blood was coming out of. I yelled at Nic to give me the phone get me a towel and a magazine. I called Alex who was on his way home, he had just gotten off the highway. Then I had Nic get my neighbor Heidi. (None of this was done calmly - I was sending Nic in all directions at once - but he held it together! Heidi ran over and said we shouldn't wait for Alex and she ran home got her kids in the car and she drove me towards were he was coming from. Thankgoodness for her and Nic I don't know what I would have done!

We met Alex and headed to Banner Desert Children's Hospital. We left our car right in ER drop off and ran in Peds ER, cut the line and went straight to the desk. They took Justin right in the room and had me stay behind and give them his and his Peds Dr. info - plus they had me clean up all the blood all over my hands.

He fell about 630, we got to the hospital at 7:30, they xrayed and got the ped ortho surgeon, he was in pre-op at 9 and surgery was around 10 and took about 1.5 hrs. He was out of post op and in his room about 130.

Justin broke both bones in his left forearm and 2 pieces of bone punctured through the skin. The Surgeon said blood out, germs in so... they had to open arm and clean it out, set the bones - he had said he would have to do a rod too but after surgery he came out and said that he didn't use one after all - I'm so glad or he would have had to have that removed in 3 months. Due to swelling and the incision having to heal he is in a slint and swing and must stay still! They pumped him full of IV antibiotics, fluids and morphine - my poor little guy!

I stayed at the Hospital with Justin and Alex went home to poor Nic. Who was more upset then I thought... He had also spent 2 hours on the phone between my mom and my sister Kerri and the whole 2 hours he spent cleaning and bleaching the tile to clean up the blood. My poor Nic! When Alex got home Nic was still awake and actually spent the night on the floor in my bedroom so he wouldn't be alone...

Justin was able to leave the hospital on Friday. We follow up with the Peds Ortho Surgeon on Thursday. Hoping his incision is healing well and his bone has stayed still so they can put a hard cast on it.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Stuck

Have you ever been stuck in a house with a nonstop talker? I have! Well ok he does leave for school at 7 and I pick him up at 12:20 but the rest of the day? Yup, he's my nonstop talker!

To make it worse this week I'm tired and not particularily hungry - which is good I guess - I have a Dr. appt Monday and according to my scale I haven't gained any weight yet for the entire pregnancy! Of course Easter and the PB eggs haven't been delivered by the Easter Bunny yet...

To make it even Worse... it's the end of the month which means we don't see Alex. He leaves before my talker is up and gets home after my talker is in bed...

To make it ever Worser (is there such a word) my little talker follows me EVERYWHERE! Doing what you might ask - TALKING!!!!

I love my talker very much - but maybe he could practice being quiet for oh, 5 mins!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

What to do???

My list is almost done.
I'm getting a little nervous.
What will happen when I am all done with my list?

I resorted today to cleaning out the grandma and grampa aka guest room. It didn't really need to be cleaned - but looks better. Monday I am murphy cleaning the cabinets and then????

Nic says I'm crazy and to stay out of his room - not to long ago the boys rooms got cleaned, clothes sorted - boxed and threw away clothes that no longer fit and toys sorted, put away, and some thrown away.

Alex hung curtain rods and curtains and he and Nic put the baby's crib together. I am waiting on laundry to finish the rest of the babies stuff. Then just 1 wall painted and the floor in the computer room - neither I can do...

Hmmm what to clean next... the garage needs to be done but Alex will KILL me! I'm not allowed to touch his stuff - it's the 1 place he's aloud to be a slob - on his workbench!

What am I going to do???

I am going to have to budget in for scrapbooking somehow. I have 7 rolls of film and a lot of albums to buy... Hmmm maybe I can clean the scrapbook shelf - Tuesday's job!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Pics of trees and garden...

Pics are cucs and carrots, a pepper and our orange and lemon trees.



Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Our Garden

I love our garden!
We now have sprouts of cucumbers, lettuce,and sunflowers. Tomatoes are growing and a pepper plant has a pepper growing and a few strawberries are turning red. We also have pumpkins and watermelons popping up!

Our Herb Garden has everything popping. Oregano, Chives, Dill, Cilantro, and parsley.

Mmmm... dill and cucumbers - I can already taste the pickles!!!

20 weeks

Another month has passed and I have hit 5 months! My baby is now 20 weeks old! So exciting!!!

I am feeling him moving around more and more - I love that - reassurance that all is going well.

I am actually feeling a little less tired, yea! Although I am having wierd dreams and sometimes lay awake late stressing about a ton of things, including child birth.

Mostly I am getting excited. As I clean out the nursery I have been picturing different wall colors and decorations. I am waiting for that moment when I am like aha that is it. I am thinking of painting 1 wall beige and adding a tree that I found on etsy, it is a vinyl sticker 1 and really cute.

The boys are excited for a brother - Nic thinks it's funny as now Justin will know how it feels to have a little brother in his stuff. I am excited to see my boys relationship grow with a new brother. I am so lucky at how close my boys are - oh they def have their moments with each other but the love and the bond they have is so wonderful to see. I know they will have each other's backs thru life.

Monday, March 22, 2010

To Do Before our little boy arrives...

Just so you all know how crazy I am and how much I LOVE lists here is my to do list. Alex hates my lists - prob cause there is always something on them for him to do too...

To Do:
Clean out Baby Room (started this - so now my guest room is now a mess,until I organize everything)
Set up Crib
Paint and Decorate Nursery
Put Shelves in Loft
Put Shelves in Justin's Room
Wash Baby clothes and Blankets
Develop 7 rolls of film
Put pics in Boys Photo Albums
Buy Baby book
Fix floor in computer room
Murphy's Kitchen cabinets

These are crossed off my list: DONE!
Finish Backyard
Plant Garden
Bring Cradle downstairs
Bring swing downstairs
Set up mosquito Repeller in backyard
Finish FHE sign
Hang mom's kitchen sign
Send in hospital preregistration paperwork
Put sand in sandbox
Touch up baby furniture
Fix cabinets in loft
Clean Fridge
Clean Freezer
Clean hall closet
clean pantry

Friday, March 19, 2010

We are having a Baby Boy!



We are adding another precious little boy to our family! More trucks, cars, love and craziness!
We had our ultrasound and our little boy is super duper healthy. If you look close at the pics you can see a beautiful profile of his gorgeous face, a shot of his legs with a positive sign that he’s a boy, a gorgeous pic of his 4 chamber heart, and a pic of his tiny little feet kicking!
We have a very special name picked out for him, we’re pretty positive about it, but we’re going to try it out for the next few days and make sure it’s a perfect fit!
PS: We haven’t given up on that little girl yet… We were very lucky to be able to have 3 little embryo babies that we could freeze after this IVF cycle! So we are planning to try for 1 more in early 2011 .

Saturday, March 13, 2010

A Garden!




So today after Justin's primary acticity we spent the day finishing the backyard and garden. The masquito magnet is in, sand in the sandbox again, strawberries planted in the bird bath and lots of veggies in the garden! And an orange and lemon tree - so exciting - fresh fruit every spring and fall :) It doesn't look like it in the pic but that is really 600ft of beautiful soft new squishy grass!!! I love looking out my back door or sitting on the porch!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Baa Baa


That is the sound we hear from our back door lately. The farmers have moved the sheep into the field across from our house. I love these sheep. In the spring they have the cutest babies and we watch them grow and turn dirtier and dirtier from the AZ desert. Alex always teases that they are born to be someone's Easter dinner :( such a sad thought... Justin always wants to go steal a little baby and put in a dog kennel and keep it in his bedroom :).
I took a picture today with my cellphone of the herd of sheep and Justin standing just outside the fencing. When I figure out how to get the pic off my phone I'll post it.

Dear Drunk Driver

As you carreened onto the road last night cutting off my husband, on his way home from work, did you even look to make sure noone was coming? Did you know that my husband is a father of 2 soon to be 3? Did you see the father in the van in front of you with his 2 kids? Did you care? What did you think about as you missed the corner and your SUV flipped over and over? Did you know it was a miracle that you walked away? Did you care as you yelled at my husband who stopped to help and was calling 911? Why didn't you want 911 to be called - because you were DRUNK??? Why did you try and run away? How did you feel when the paramedic and fireman who live in houses across the street ran after you and kinda performed a citizen arrest? Were you scared? How did you feel when the sherriff's arrived and performed a breathalizer? Were you scared when you were immediately arrested and put in their car? How did you feel when you saw my husband identify you and fill out a report for the sherriff? How are you feeling sitting in jail? Do you know that you could of killed a lot of people tonight, including yourself? Do you know how irresponsible you are? I hope you loose your license for A LONG time! I hope you have to go to alcohol counseling! When you get in the car drunk and drive you risk killing everyone on the road with you!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Oh Baby!

I love you so much little baby. You are 4 months old 1 week and 2 days and I talk to you all the time. Can you hear me? Do you feel how much you are loved? I am up all night going to the bathroom and I love every minute! I am so constipated and I even love that because I know it's from you! Heartburn LOVE IT! Every sign that you are growing I LOVE! I can't wait to meet you little one and see if you look like your brothers or if you have my eyes or daddys chin... I have started pulling out all our baby things. Daddy made a cradle when your brother was born that is so beautiful and I can't wait to see you rocking in it - hopefully one day your baby will rock in it too. Keep growing little one, soon it will be summer and I will hold you in my arms. Love, Mommy

Irrational Fear

I always am fearful for my boys - of the world we live in.

After kids brought a homemade "exploding device" to school last year I get scared for Nic at school. Their are drugs, bombing, bullying and now boys kissing boys... What happened to no PDA in school? Why can't kids just be kids? Why can't he just be worried about grades and making the wrestling team? Why does he have to see boys kissing boys in the hallways?

I know this is contravercial for some but I really have to say that an online High School is looking better and better!

The real World is out there just waiting to absorb our kids and show all the worlds differences. But, why can't our kids stay kids for a little longer before the world shows it's ugly head!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

2nd attempt

Ever since Justin was born we have wanted to add to our family. But $$$$. I treasured every second with Justin afraid it was my last with a baby. All the old feelings surfaced of wanting a baby. Why couldn't I get pregnant? When I saw someone pregnant, I thought why not me. It's especially hard at anything to do with church. There are always multiple babies or pregnant woman and many with large families. Why not me? It was always my dream to have a huge family. Church made me so sad so often.

A series of events happened in our life. Alex got sick, his hours were cut at work, we moved, and then he found a new job (after tons of resumes and much praying). And...this new job had FERTILITY BENEFITS!!!!!!!!!!! What???? It was like in the midst of these horrible happenings Heavenly Father had answered our prayers - isn't it funny how it works that way sometimes? We just knew another baby was in store for us!

Benefits began in October and I was at the Doctor that month! The below is the protocol that I followed. After reading through it you will understand why the doctor gives you an excel spread sheet of meds. After you take each 1 you highlight it on the list. It's quite a list. At 1 point I was on 11 pills (some the same - just a few times a day) and multiple shots. During this time your emotions go up and down because of all the meds you are injesting or shooting into your body and just plain emotions of hoping this will work. During a lot of this time I hybernated - it was enough to try and feed my family and help Justin get HW done - life was on hold.

Here is the Protocol:

Met with Dr in Oct. Had tests done - lots of yucky ones, measuring of uterous,dye sent up, oil put in to help get pregnant, etc, etc. Started Prenatal vitamins, birth control to regulate period and started zocor to build up a cushy uterous.

Stopped Birth control on 10/29.

Had an ultasound on 11/2 to make sure ovaries clear and no cists. Starting now no lifting, pushing or pulling over 15 lbs.

Started 1 shot follistim on 11/3 added 2nd shot menopur on 11/5 and had ultrasound.

Started 3rd shot 11/7 and had an ultrasound and bloodwork. For the next 6 days continued meds with changes per what the daily bloodwork and ultrasounds showed. Ultrasounds are looking for follicles (this is were your eggs grow, the greater # of follicles the greater # of eggs. They are also looking at the rate of growth of the follicles. Bloodwork is checking for hormone levels - the shots are stimulating multiple follicles and preventing premature ovulation.

On 11/15 took my trigger shot at 930 pm exactly 36 hours prior to egg retrieval also started L-arginine to plump up lining of uterous. Was able to stop all other shots and started antibiotic for retrieval.

On 11/17 went in to surgery suite for my egg retrieval, this is done under sedation and is ultra sound guided. They go through your cervix to retrieve your eggs. After retrieval you must drink plenty of liquids gatorade is great to prevent hyperstimulation and you are on bed rest for the day. I woke up ok this time, but was so sore!! On percaset for pain. They were able to retrieve 10 eggs. They were able to fertilize 9 eggs.

11/18 took 2 shots of progesterone - ouch!!! and started estrogen patch. The embreyologist called today and all 9 eggs developing.

11/19 took 1 shot of progesterone, had to do 1 progesterone cream and added prednesone pill.

On 11/21 Embreyo transfer! They put 3 of our babies in. This doctor does the transfer on day 4 and we had 3 perfect 16 cell embreyos! In bed or chair resting for 4 days.

On 11/22 started lovenox - blood thinner shot to keep blood flowing and plump up uterous, baby asperin also makes a cushy uterous and folix acid pill. - Have to be careful not to fall.

On 12/2 at 9am 1st Pregnancy Blood Test and stopped Zocur. - A high #, could it be twins...

On 12/4 2nd pregnancy Blood test. - # almost doubled???

On 12/21 1st Ultrasound. - A blob and a healthy beating Heartbeat! But only 1 baby... we were a little sad as we were thinking it might be twins. But so happy to have at least 1!

On 12/28 2nd Ultrasound - stop L-arginine. - A beautiful beating heart!!!!

On 12/29 stop estrogen patch.

On 12/30 stop prednesone pill.

On 1/4 3rd Ultrasound. - A beautiful heartbeat and able to see brain developing and baby doing sumersaults.

On 1/11 transfer to regular OB.

On 1/12 stop Progesterone injection.

On 2/9 stop Progesterone cream

On 2/23 stop Lovenox and on 3/9 I will stop aspirin.

On August 10, 2009 or around there are 3rd precious miracle will be born!

This protocol was much more intense then when we did IVF with Justin. Things have changed in 5 years and they know more now...

How lucky and blessed were we that our 1st IVF cycle worked again! We are so truly blessed and so very thankful for a successful IVF cycle. Sitting in the waiting room women will sometimes talk and listen to some talk about this being their 3+ attempt is heartbreaking. I know that Heavenly Father loves these women and has a plan for them just as he does us.

We are so thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves us. We are so thankful that he knows that sometimes our bodies break and don't work perfect. We are so thankful that he helps Doctors and Scientists fix our bodies so that we can have and love his precious babies. We are so thankful that Heavenly Father trusts us to raise his babies and help them to develop into special young children and adults. We pray for all those couples who are going through this process that they may soon know the joy of holding the baby they've been dreaming of in their arms...

A scare...

Last Saturday was awful! Alex got up and gave me my bloodthinner shot and then went down stairs to get ready to go to work for OT. (Nic was a a wrestling competition and Justin was home.) All of a sudden I felt a gush and I had blood anywhere. I screamed for Alex and just knew we had lost the baby. There was just so... much blood! I called the Dr and they told me to go to the ER.

But what to do with Justin? I called Heidi, my neighbor across the street who I knew Justin would be happy to spend time with, but no answer. Who to call that was close and that I could trust and that Justin would be ok with. So I called Melanie - I visit teach her and she has 4 boys from 1 to 7 - perfect. She was headed to both soccer and football games but had room for Justin and was so nice to take him.

We headed to the hospital. I had stopped bleeding but started again when walking in to the hospital. Then the awfulness began. IV line inserted, 3 vials of blood taken, internal exam, internal and external ultrasound - during the ultrasound we just knew we had lost the baby when the tech said, "if you hear a heartbeat it's yours." That to me was the last straw I felt it was her way of telling me without telling me. Plus she had turned the monitor away from us so we couldn't see anything!!! Then waiting for the Dr - knowing she was going to say we needed to have a D&C. Did I mention the prayers - they were nonstop!

But, the Dr came in and said the baby looked good, no guarantee that I wouldn't miscarry but right now the baby looked good. Oh the relief! I was to go home do nothing and rest! (oh and they had no idea what caused the bleeding??)

I got home and called the Dr on call again and she said to get in bed and rest and to call my Dr Monday am. Monday my Dr. took me off blood thinners! Oh the relief - they really scared me. Thursday I went in for another ultrasound and saw my beautiful baby with his/her beating heart. What a beautiful sight! Monday I go back to check in with the Dr.

Alex has been wonderful cooking and doing laundry and helping the kids. Sunday Brent and Stacey surprised us with a visit - isn't it funny how we are prompted to go visit not knowing why? It was wonderful to be cheered up by a wonderful friend. During out visit Justin fell asleep in bed with me...1st sign something was wrong. By the time he woke up he had a 102 fever hmmm. So Alex took 2 days off this week. Once to take Justin to the Dr, he had an ear infection and then Thursday to take me to the Dr for our ultrasound. He had fun being Mr. Mom - not really :)

Oh we are so thankful for this little miracle growing inside me! We are also thankful for all the prayers and offers of help! The offers and all of you are truly appreciated!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

You are so Loved


Baby you are only as big as a lime but you have already filled our hearts with so much love for you!

Here you are at 12 weeks with a heartbeat of 186. Top pic is part baby and part heartbeat. 2nd pic is baby’s head and his/her big fat belly. 3rd pic is a great profile, if you look close you can see ear, eye, nose, chin, arm and leg

Your brother Justin looked at your picture and announced that you were a girl. Because according to him you have a girl's head with hair just like mine. (Not sure where he got the hair thing from?)

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Oil Change

Nic and Alex worked together so nicely today with Alex showing Nic step by step very patiently how to change the oil in the Charger. Nic's not sure he could do it alone yet but maybe after 1 or 2 more times. He'll be 15 in July - his car days will be here soon.

They seem to have found common ground lately in the midst of these teenage years. They both listen to the same music and they both enjoy talking about Nic's wrestling.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Born to be...

I was born to be a mom.
I have known this forever. I've always loved kids and always been able to calm babies even ones I don't know. I've had other jobs... waitress through high school and college, a teacher after my BA degree and then into the insurance field after my Masters.

The first time I held Nicholas after he was born this overwhelming peace and love came over me. This was my life, my job, my love, what I was born to do - be a mom!

I couldn't wait to have more children.

When Alex and I were married we set out to get pregnant right away - like on our honeymoon - no waiting for us! And nothing. We were devastated! And of course when you want something so badly, it felt like everyone around me was pregnant or had a new baby. You feel so happy for them and yet so sad for yourself. You just want to cry and never leave your bedroom. A woman's body was made to carry a baby and why couldn't I get pregnant? There was a huge sense of loss. We went to the Dr and had tests run and the problem was diagnosed.

Our only option for a baby was IVF. What? Me? who hated doctors, needles, was so modest was going to have to go to the doctors ALOT, have a ton of needles and shed my modesty for treatment. My heart was in my feet and there was a ton of why me crying. I was so terrified. I knew noone who had gone thru this. There was talk of surgery, egg retrieval, bed rest, classes on how to give shots, risks of ovary hyperstimulation, my eggs having Alex's sperm injected into them in a petri dish, implantation, odds of it working, the cost - $15,000.00 out of pocket as we did not have insurance to cover it. We had to take out a loan, I felt like we were paying off a car. All I wanted was a baby. It is suppose to be a simple process to get pregnant...but not for us...

What to tell family and friends. That was hard. You want support - but you don't want a call everyday asking if you are pregnant yet. Somedays you don't want to talk, all you want to do is cry. We chose the option that the IVF counselor suggested. Sit your family down and say that you are going to tell them something but they can't ask questions now or later. You will tell them what you want them to know now and fill them in with updates when you are able to. I think my family was in shock. My sister Kerri gave me GoodLUCK Bear - from the CAREBEARS that I took everywhere with me in my purse - my goodluck charm. I chose 1 friend to confide in and cry to...

After choosing IVF there are still more tests. Tons of blood work and internal checks to make sure everything is working right and measurements, so they know where to put in the embreyo's. There are classes on how to give shots, how to mix meds, how to draw up meds. There is a calender you must follow faithfully everyday. There are weekly Dr. appts to then daily Dr. appts. Internal ultrasound after internal ultrasound to check your ovaries and follicles and blood work every day to check levels. Shot after shot. Pill after pill. Once your estrogen levels level you give yourself yet another shot 36 hours exactly prior to retrieval. Retrieval is surgery - yes - under anestheisia sleeping. This was my first time under and I did not wake up well. When you wake up you ache so bad.

When you wake up they tell you how many eggs were in your follicles. We had 19 - which is a good #. The embreyologist then took my eggs and inserted one of Alex's sperm into each egg. They call the next day and tell you if you have any eggs that have started to develop. We had 17. I was so excited that meant we might have some to freeze - so much cheaper to do from a frozen embreyo then start all over again.

Transfer day. They transferred the embreyo's back into my uterus on day 3 and we were looking for 8 cell embreyos. This is again done in the surgical suite and Alex got to come in. I am laying on a table and they told us out of all those eggs we only had 1 that had delveloped to 8 cell and 2 that were so so. They suggested putting in all 3. Oh we were so disappointed, what had happened to all our eggs?

We put in all 3 eggs and home we went, me on bedrest. And the waiting began - 2 weeks until the 1st blood test. But oh we just weren't waiting. My body hadn't got pregnant normaly so that mean't shots. Sore awful progesterone shots with a huge needle in my butt muscle 2 x a day. That mean't sitting on a heating pad hoping the heating pad would disperse the thick oil. There were crying bouts, doubt this would work, hope it would work.

And then the day came. Blood taken and now at home with ALex waiting for the phone to ring. THey give you a time frame - we will call between 3 and 5. It was getting later and later and no call. I was convinced that they saved the no's till the end. Then the call. Kristen your test results are 67. Your next test is scheduled in 2 days. See they don't say Congratulations your pregnant yet - your # has to double for it to be a viable pregnancy. But we were super excited! To me I was pregnant and Alex and I hugged and cried! And then worry set in. Would the # double? Test # 2. The # doubled. YEA!! But we are still not sure. We needed the internal ultrasound. We waited until 4 weeks. We went to the office so... scared. Would there be a heartbeat? And there on the screen appeared the most beautiful blob with a healthy strong beating heart. That little itty bitty was our baby. We had been dreaming and hoping and praying for. Now, the doctor says CONGRATULATIONS!! Our IVF cycle was a success. We had beat the odds and got pregnant on our very 1st cycle!

June 10, 2004 I gave birth to my 2nd son. An amazing miracle. A beautiful angel to bless our family.

Alex and I are unusual, we are so lucky, many couples spend thousands upon thousands and their cycles do not work. But there are many woman out there who know they are also born to be mothers and are not ready to give up there dreams of a biological child. Woman who are going through infertility are struggling every day. We are so happy for you and your new baby and yet struggle to hold back tears for ourselves. We want to go to your babies christening, baptism, or blessing but we know it will tear us apart. We struggle and maybe make excuses not to come see your new baby. Oh we are so happy for you but oh so very sad for ourselves as that baby is what we yearn for more than anything in the world! IVF is not an easy process - not physically and certainly not mentally. But a process a lot of women choose because they want to be mothers.

Coming soon - The story of our 2nd IVF attempt...

Friday, January 15, 2010

Totally Adorable!

Who could resist Justin's cuteness! Not me! I love my little snuggly, huggy boy - hug all u want, kisses get wiped off :)

Funny things he has said this week.

1. "Mom, you know your in trouble when a super hero has to come."

2. When waking him up. "No Nic...I'm saving the world."

3. Another wake up. "I'm still dreaming."

And the best thing, when I worked in his class on Weds. he gave me a huge hug in class AND asked me to eat snack with him. What an honor!

No Sense of Urgency

This is how Alex described Nic last night. And... I have to agree - the boy has no sense of urgency!

He gets home at almost 8pm from his meet. He still has dinner, HW, and shower to do before he goes to bed. At 10pm he is still trying to find MORE food before showering. I tell him the time and to move because I'm going to blow a whistle to get his butt up in the morning! The boy moves at one pace slower than slow!

And he's eating a TON! Last night ribs, pot wedges, cookies, a whole package of lipton noodle sides, and something else I can't remember - all this in a 2 hour time frame. And he had oodles of noodles for breakfast and a PB&J and 6in sub during school. What?????????

The food item I forgot - a frozen pizza! It must be a growth spurt - or the 2 meets 2 days in a row. Poor kids.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Baby

Today was my last appointment with Dr. Craig my awesome fertility specialist! I will miss his wonderful staff who are always so happy and friendly. Most of his staff have undergone fertility treatments themselves so when you tell them something or complain about bruising etc they have the sympathy of one who has gone before you on that path. So I bid a sad farewell to them with the promise of a picture and a visit with our new little one this summer.

I have officially been released back to my OB. The baby is 20.6mm long with a very strong heartbeat of 173. He/She was moving all around during the ultrasound today and was just so beautiful!

We have so much to be thankful for!

1st Pin in Varsity!





(the above pics are not from the Varsity tournament mentioned below. They are from the Perry Tournament on 12/12/09)

Nic we are SO... PROUD of YOU!!!!

On Dec. 29th Nic wrestled in a Varsity Wrestling Tournament (and he's only a freshman!)

He got his first pin of the year! YEA NIC!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Our Babe


Attached are pics of our baby. Today the baby is 8 weeks old! Our official due date is August 10th.

The 1st picture was taken yesterday at 7 weeks 6 days. The baby is 14.5mm and the heartbeat is 137 now. We could even see the baby’s developing brain yesterday – technology today is so amazing! (And no you can not guess from the heartbeat whether a boy or girl this early in development, per the Dr. J )

The 2nd picture was taken last Monday at 6 weeks 6 days. The baby was 6.5mm and the heartbeat was 123.

The baby is perfect developmentally for his/her age. We have 1 more appt at the specialist next Monday and then I am released back to my OB. I was able to stop a few oral meds today. Awful Progesterone – lumpy butte shots - stop the 13 of January but the even worse blood thinner shots don’t stop until March 9 L. Being able to have this baby makes the shots worth it though.

Christmas

Christmas was wonderful!
The boys slept in so after Alex gave me my shots we snuck downstairs and got the turkey in the oven, turned the lights on and ALex went outside to make the "snow" that my sister Kerri had sent.

The boys woke up and came downstairs and we opened the front door to show them the snowy surprise on the front porch. What fun!

They were really great about opening presents and making sure they knew who they were from 1st. They loved everthing and were so grateful and happy.

We talked to family, enjoyed playing with gifts and ate turkey and munchies. It was a wonderful holiday!